You and Me {Falin & Sterling}

[[TW: NPC Death, talk of suicide.]]

Falin slumped back, VR helmet rising and falling with numb fingers. He heard it bounce to the ground in a distant sort of way and knew he should be more careful with it but... The image of Laven falling to his knees was still playing out in front of his eyes. That's what his last vision of the game had been before his avatar was dissipated like so much smoke.

Silver hair and a wicked smile vanishing and reappearing across the cave. Laven, falling to his knees with blood on his lips clutching his chest.

He closed his eyes but the image was still there waiting for him. It made his breath stutter in his lips as he began taking off the suit he took everywhere with him and started shoving it back into its case with none of his usual care. His breath caught in his throat and he stopped to press his hand against his own chest. Above a scar that made him place for a second the image of Laven with someone else in his memory.

"It is not the same." He took a long ragged breath and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He immediately started to text Laven... Sterling to make sure he was alright and stopped himself.

If he had still been Menel he would have asked if it had all been on purpose. No, Menel wouldn't have even suspected it. Would have brushed it off and gone laughing to his date. His date. Falin sat down on the bed in his hotel room. How many times had he wished for that? To meet Sterling and talk to him in person. And every time he was stopped from asking by his own impassible fears.

That was a mean trick. The words were typed out under his fingers and he pressed send before he could think about it too much, his lips curling into a small smile even as his fingers lifted to touch that scar beneath his shirt again. It ached like something was broken inside him.

With hope. With fear.

In spite of the building pain in his chest Falin couldn't help but laugh at Sterling's response. Perhaps another lunch in the game was a poor thing to ask for, but it's all he could think of in the moment. He hadn't wanted to be too demanding, and he liked trying new foods in a place where he wouldn't put on any weight for it. It always amazed him how they could make it so everything tasted just right - or wrong if you didn't know what you were doing. Falin took several more deep breaths and finally rose to his feet again.

Are you going to come all the way out to London to meet me? Last time Falin had checked Sterling was still out in Ireland which wasn't exactly right next door. He shoved the phone into his pocket and started pulling the suit and helmet away more carefully. There was no way that he'd be playing again tonight, and what he'd done so far wasn't going to fit neatly into the box.

Idly from time to time he touched his chest, rubbing at the pain that just wouldn't subside. He was glad that this time it wasn't so bad. There were nights... Nights when he couldn't breathe at all. Where he thought that it might kill him.

He put it all away and stacked everything neatly beside his suitcase and his weapons case. There was another match tomorrow, but after that he had free time in London. He'd scheduled it that way because he'd wanted some time away from France for a bit. Time away from the little house that reminded him too much of the past. It seemed he spent less and less time there and more time on the road. Falin sighed and settled back to wait for Sterling's response.

It took Falin so long to reply that Sterling had to stop waiting and instead actually do his job. He may only have one class to teach a week, but that didn’t mean he had nothing to do. There were lessons to plan, key notes to put together for the small group of online students that had signed up for his ancient history lessons, and of course, papers to grade.

He was back in his study when the group of messages did come in, sitting in his overstuffed chair in front of a cheerful fire with his tablet in hand. Falin’s paper would have to come last, or else Sterling would agonize over it and have to rush through the others. When the soft sound jingled from his pocket he paused, pushing the glasses he needed to read when he was reading for long periods of time up to the top of his head.

He smiled when he saw that his worry had been ill-founded. Of course it had. Falin had never been anything other than open with him in regards to their friendship and then their relationship. It had been Sterling’s own nerves that had made him worry.

The last text though…

You could get a room here or one close by.

That one gave Sterling some pause. Was Falin asking him to stay close by while he was in London? Or giving Sterling a chance to escape from him if the situation grew awkward? Now Sterling was the one who needed to formulate his thoughts before replying.

That sounds like a lovely idea. We can discuss more when we meet for lunch.

The fire popped and Sterling glanced up at it, smiling and shaking his head before shifting so that he was more comfortable in his chair. He would have to buy his ticket soon, and he would probably pay the price for the short notice. But it was worth it. He hadn’t been on a date in so long. Hopefully he still remembered how to act.

I’ll let you know when I'm landed. You should rest before your match. If we hadn't ended the game so early I would have given you a kiss for luck.

He chuckled and put his phone away to pick the tablet back up, marking the screen with his finger when he found an erroneous line about the roman army and the way they functioned as a unit.

It seemed like an eternity before Sterling responded, but when he did it brought a smile to his lips. They could actually talk to one another, in person. He wondered if it'd be different than their hundreds of conversations with one another on Skype or on the telephone. If they'd have things to talk about. His match... they'd have that. Half of him wished that Sterling could come to that, but it was too late to invite him to an event that was closed to the public. Next time maybe.

Next time.

Sterling's next text had him flushing just a little, but he immediately sent another text in response.

I have to get some sleep, so I'll take a goodnight kiss instead.

He rolled off the bed and headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he was done he stared at his reflection in the mirror. The image of a man that he sometimes didn't recognize as himself. He didn't look at himself very often. Shoulder length black hair so dark it had blue highlights in the stark lighting of the hotel bathroom. Eyes almost as dark but still very blue. Pale skin that hardly ever saw the sun. This was the man that Sterling would be meeting. Not the one that he usually saw in the game. The real him... All the times they'd shared video chats didn't count. He rubbed one wrist and licked his lips.

The light flickered off and he made his way back to the room. He stopped halfway there in the realization that he could kiss Sterling for real. Hold his hand. All the things he hadn't shared with anyone in so long. If only he was brave enough to try.

Lunch was to be had at some fancy restaurant that Falin had never even heard of until he googled it to find out what would be appropriate to wear. He was both surprised and not to realize exactly how nice it was. Surprised because it was always amazing to him to be reminded of how extravagant places in the city could get, and not because it seemed likely to him that this was Sterling's way of apologizing for 'tricking' him into lunch. He scrolled down the list of limited options and felt his eyebrows raise up. A very nice restaurant then.

Which left him wondering what to wear. He didn't bring a lot of very nice clothes since he hadn't thought to pack them. Most of his everyday clothing was suited for the purpose however, so he only had to pick between them. In the end he found himself sorting through everything and trying it all on several times before he found anything he was willing to walk out the door in. It was a dark blue turtleneck that made his eyes stand out and was long enough that it slid down his hands at odd times, and a pair of dark slacks that were almost black. He matched those with the only pair of shoes he had brought with him

Then it was out the door, brimming with the expectation of telling Sterling about his match and nervous about actually meeting the other man. It wasn't Sterling he was uncertain of. No it was himself. Worrying that he would do everything wrong and when this was all over he would have lost his one and only friend after it seemed like they'd only just become more than that to one another.

He arrived at the restaurant early, texting Sterling that he was arriving and then realizing as he came up that he didn't know what name Sterling had put the reservation under. Falin hesitated at the front and tried to get a quick glance around to see if he could see Sterling somewhere. "I'm here with Sterling McGill?"

"This way, you two are lucky the weather held. Your reservation for the rooftop seating will be lovely today." The server was very nice, dressed all in black with a white apron around their waist. They led Falin up a set of stairs onto the roof of the old bike shed, opening a door to a charming rooftop garden and a few tables spaced far apart to allow the diners some privacy and room.

There Sterling was sitting and waiting, elbow on the table and chin in hand as he waited for Falin to arrive. When he saw the dark haired man he perked up, long eyes opening wide and a smile pulling the corners of his mouth. While the wait staff led Falin to his table Sterling stood up, smoothing down his shirt in a single display of nerves before he held out his hands for Falin to take.

"Falin." Sterling said the name softly, his eyes just for the other man as the wait staff left the table with it's two menus for the men to look over.

"It's nice to meet you." The professor laughed quietly at his own joke.